i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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