just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
