Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
