Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
