My balls are so social today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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