just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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