Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
