from now on my penis is your penis
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
