So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
