Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
