today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
