i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
