You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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