Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
