The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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