im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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