There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
