I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You need a sexual gate keeper
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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