tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
two words...techno handjob
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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