he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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