Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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