I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
