the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
