You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
