I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
