So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
