I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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