I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
