apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
