dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
