i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
