Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Are my feet made of real feet?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
