i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
