Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
