I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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