I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
