yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
