Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
