Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im part way to drunk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
