so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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