There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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