two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
