3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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