bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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