I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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