a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's just like the Real World with babies
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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