i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
