I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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