ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
