Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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