i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
